Diaries of a Broken Heart
by CraziObsessed
Summary: What happens when the fantastic four becomes the not so fantastic three. Mostly about SS trying to deal with the loss of Marissa and life afterwards.
1. The Bearer of Bad News

I have wanted to write another fic for awhile now but I am just now getting around to it. This takes place right after the season finale…like the same exact day and everything should be the same as it is on the show. Also take into consideration that this is the first chapter, and I HATE starting stories, so the length and quality will improve. Well I don't want to talk you to death so just enjoy!

**_Disclaimer: I do not own The O.C…just read under the impression that I don't own anything!_**

**Diaries of a Broken Heart**

Chapter 1: The Bearer of Bad News

"Wow I've never done that before."

"What? Have sex in a box" Summer asked looking up at Seth who was nodding with a shy smile plastered on his face. "Aw Cohen, you're so inexperienced it's almost cute."

"What you have?" Seth asked jokingly.

"Of Course. Box, Car, Laundry room, oh and that one time at the Bai..."

"WHAT? Summer I thought you said you were a virig…omg you and Zach, you lied to spare my feelings…I think I'm gonna…"

"Seth! Calm down before you hyperventilate, I was only kidding."

"Oh…I knew that."

"Riiight. But seriously Cohen, you know that you're the only person I've been with…and will ever be with."

"I know Sum. I love you."

"I love you too." Summer replied as she leaned up to place a gentle kiss on Seth's lips.

"Just think, soon we aren't going to be able to have sex for like...3 months!"

"Cohen!" Summer yelled hitting his chest, "We were having a moment, and you ruined it."

About the same time the door to Seth's room opened and Sandy and Kirsten walked in.

"Apparently I'm not the only one ruining the moment." Seth whispered to Summer. "Mom, Dad, ever hear of that thing called knocking? It works nicely." He joked as her mentally thanked Jesus and Moses that they had already put their clothes back on.

"Oh Summer, it's a good thing you are here we need to talk to the both of you." Sandy said sadly, ignoring his son's previous comment.

"What's with the long faces? Somebody die?" Seth laughed.

"Seth…" Sandy warned.

"OMG did somebody really die?" Seth asked getting up from his bed.

Sandy, the man never lost for words, didn't know how to break the news. All he could do was stand there and feel sorry for the two teenagers standing in front of him. What he was about to tell them would change their lives and devastate them. He didn't want to have to be that guy bringing the bad news.

"Dad?" No reply. "Mom, you haven't said anything since you've come in, so what is going on?" No reply. "COME ON! WILL SOMEBODY JUST TELL US!"

"Son, I think you should sit back down for this."

"I don't want to sit down! I can handle it just tell me. Is it Nana?"

"Son, please…"

This time Seth obeyed his father and took Summer's hand as they sat down on the bed. He could feel Summer's tiny hand shacking inside of his larger one. He didn't know what was going on, but by this point, he was beyond scared. The last time his father told him to sit down, he had learned that his grandfather had died.

"Earlier tonight, there was an accident." Sandy decided it would be best to just come right out and say it.

"What kind of accident?" Even thought Seth knew his father was getting there his instinct to talk to over.

"A car accident."

Seth could hear Summer let out a small whimper and as he turned to look at her he saw her eyes fill with tears. Apparently she had put two and two together, although Seth was getting there too he didn't want to admit it. As long as nobody said it, it couldn't be true. Right?

"Seth, Summer, I…" Sandy continued.

"No, stop, I changed my mind, I don't want to hear it."

"…don't want to be the one to tell you this, but Marissa didn't make it."

Complete silence; a good five minutes of complete silence. The usually talkative Cohen's had nothing left to say, and Summer was in a state of complete and utter shock. Things like this weren't supposed to happen to her. This is supposed to be just another story you hear about on the news that will never happen to you. But it was happening, and she could do nothing about it; her best friend is dead, gone forever.

"We will leave you two alone, come down stairs if you want to talk about it." Kirsten said, finally speaking up.

Once Sandy and Kirsten were out of the room, Seth pulled Summer into his arms. Like a dam breaking, the tears poured down Summer's cheek's soaking Seth's shirt. Seth had never been the type to console people so he decided for once in his life that no words would be the best. Instead he just rubbed her back and kissed her head, he felt worthless, but it was the best he could do.

Summer's tears got heavier and heavier as she clung on to Seth for dear life. She hated to be so vulnerable that she could openly weep without being in the privacy of her own bedroom, but this was Seth, her Cohen.

"I'm gonna be here baby; we will get through this together." Seth whispered softly into her ear.

No she can't do this, she is Summer Roberts, tough Summer Roberts, no matter what happens.

"I have to go." Summer said as she got up and rubbed at her tears.

"What? No you don't, I'm sure my parents will understand if you stay."

"It's not about that Seth."

"You called me Seth…Oh no, Summer don't do this to me. You can't shut me out again."

"There is more to life than just you and me Seth, and I think tonight is proof of that. I'll see you later."

Seth watched as Summer ran from his room. Why does Summer let people in, only to kick them back out? She can't do this alone…I can't do this alone.

And for the first time, Seth let him self cry, not only for the loss of Marissa, but also for the loss of his Summer.

So did you enjoy? Yes? No? Please reply and tell me! I know it doesn't seem very original yet, but give it time, it's not going to all be about dealing with Marissa's death, that is just the beginning. Also I'm not gonna make any promises on how fast I will update but I will try to update at least once a week. Now stop reading what I have to say and reply!

Rachael


	2. ThirdParty Advice

AN: So I'm back for number two! Hope you like it!

**Disclaimer: I still do not own The OC…unfortunately. **

**Diaries of a Broken Heart**

Chapter 2: Third-Party Advice

There is a moment in everyone's life that will change them forever. This was Summer's moment. All of her previous problems before now seemed petty. Marissa's overdose, Seth sailing away, Lindsay being Caleb's long lost daughter. None of it mattered anymore. Life was never going to be the same…her best friend wasn't going to come back.

The more she thought about it the more she realized how true it was. Marissa was the one who started everything. If Marissa hadn't had a crush on Ryan and started hanging out with him and Seth, then Summer would have never talked to either one of them and her life would have ended up very different. So how were things supposed to go on now without her?

She didn't know the answer to that, but she did know she had to be strong. She shouldn't have to depend on people; before Marissa came along she did everything herself, because she didn't have a mother to do motherly things, she had to grow up fast, and although she had allowed herself to become a little more dependent on others, she could go back to the way things used to be. She didn't need Marissa, she didn't need Cohen…..Cohen; just the name brought fresh tears to her eyes. She hadn't been thinking when she ran from his room earlier tonight, but now she knew she had done the right thing. Seth wasn't as close to Marissa as she was, if she stayed around him she would just bring him down with her, and no matter how much she loved him and how much it hurt her, she knew it was best for him. He could move on and she could deal with her lose on her own. The hard part was convincing her self of this.

Summer's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door.

"I already told you, I put your pills in the medicine cabinet, so please, just for tonight will you please leave me alone." Summer told the closed door, thinking it was her drugged up step-monster.

"Sweetie, it's me."

"Dad?" Summer asked as she jumped up to open her door. "I thought you were supposed to be at the hospital."

"I was, but I came home when I heard what happened." Dr. Roberts said as they both took a seat on Summer's bed. "I hate to be so cliché and ask, but how are you doing?"

"I'm doing okay." Summer lied. The first step in getting her self to believe it was to make others believe it.

"I don't believe you."

"What? I'm honestly…"

"Summer, tell me the truth, there is not point in lying to me, I will see right through it." Dr. Roberts said cutting her off before she could lie to him again.

"I…" She didn't know what to say, she had been working for the past three hours to convince herself she didn't need anybody's support or help. "I…I don't know what to do, or think, I feel like I'm going to wake up and she is going to be here dragging me to the pier for breakfast."

"It's normal to feel that way honey, it is going to take some time to get used to."

"This isn't just something you can get used to."

"True, but over time it will get easier and instead of being so painful, you will be able to look back and smile about all the good times you had together."

"I don't care about the future; I want it to be better now!" Summer half-yelled, the only way she knew to let her feelings out.

"Well there is nothing I can do about that sweetie." Dr. Roberts said sincerely sad for his daughter's loss

"You suck at this." She told him honestly.

"Well I'm sure your little friend Seth would be better at this then me."

"Yeah." Summer said sadly. "I kinda ran out on him."

"I know."

"How do you know?" She asked, giving him a look of confusion.

"I figured you would be over there so I went there first, he told me what happened." He paused. "You know Summer, your not the only one hurting, that boy has feelings too."

"Why are you all of a sudden defending Seth?"

"I know I may not have been his biggest fan, but I have a feeling he would do anything to be there for you right now. He doesn't seem like the type to walk away when things get hard."

"I know." She whispered.

"Then why are you ignoring his calls?" He asked as he heard Summer's phone vibrating on her night stand.

All Summer could do was shrug, because she honestly didn't know. Everything had seemed so easy when she'd thought about it earlier. She was protecting him, but now she was realizing that maybe she was hurting him even more by being so selfish.

"How many missed calls do you have?" Her dad asked her.

Summer reached over to pick up her phone and look. "Seventeen."

"Seventeen…wow, maybe that boy is better for you than I thought, either that or just plain pathetic."

"Dad! Only I am allowed to be mean to my boyfriend."

"Ah boyfriend, so you still want to be with him?"

Summer didn't answer right away, she still had doubts about what she should do, but she did know the answer to that question. "Yeah…"

"Then pick up the phone and call him back, I'm sure he is worried sick."

"When did you get so smart?" she asked jokingly.

"When I learned what was best for my daughter."

Summer was truly touched. Maybe her father was finally coming around to accepting her and Seth.

"I love you dad."

"I love you too sweetie" Dr. Roberts said before leaning over and kissing Summer on the forehead then heading to the door.

"And Sum…" he turned around and asked as he was almost out the door.

"Hm."

"I know I'm only a doctor, and not some big shot psychologist, but it is okay to cry."

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"That's the nineteenth message I have left her Leon."

"I know, and it is also the nineteenth time you have called to tell me this. I'm starting to think you are pathetic, and that is a lot coming from me, considering who I am, so don't you think Summer will get a little freaked out by all the messages too?"

"No, she will think it's sweet."

"Doubtful."

"Well I'm just scared something has happened to her."

"Like what?"

"Like cried her self to death."

"Seth you can't cry you self to death…I don't think."

"I don't care, even if nobody has done it before, I'm sure that wont stop Summer."

"Okay…."

"Leon, why aren't you being more supportive?"

"Because it is one in the morning and I am tired. Don't you usually complain to Ryan."

"Well it is in the comic book hand guide that you are on 24/7 emergency friend duty, and I would consider this an emergency. And yes I usually _talk_, not complain to Ryan, but you know I can't do that right now. I'm not that self absorbed to go complain to him about my Summer problems right after…well you know." He said with a sad tone in his voice. Most people thought Seth and Marissa only talked because they were dating each others best friend, but that wasn't completely true. They had things in common, not much, but some, and he was truly going to miss her.

"Ok Seth, why don't you just go over there and see her if you are so worried. I _need _sleep!"

"You are a freaking genius."

"Thank you." Leon said sarcastically. "I've always thought so…Seth? Seth are you there?" But there was nothing but a dial tone.

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He didn't know why he hadn't thought of it before. Seemed so simple, but instead, he had spent the last three hours whining to Leon, but now he was going to go and convince Summer to really let him in, not matter what it took.

As soon as he pulled up into the Roberts' drive way he jumped out of the car and sprinted up the steps. He didn't even bother knocking on the door, just kept on running up to Summer's room. He had been so oblivious to the world around him, that he had missed the knowing smile Dr. Roberts had given him when he had come into the house. But now he was standing in front of Summer's closed door. He hadn't realized how fast he had gotten here, he didn't even know what he was going to say. Well he never really knew what he was going to say so that wasn't much of a change. It took him a few minutes to get up the nerve to knock, because he knew there was a good chance she would turn him away again. He just had to do it before he chickened out. He knocked.

"Yea?" He heard a weak answer coming from behind the door. Taking it as a invitation to come in, he opened the door.

Just seeing Seth standing there in her doorway, she knew her dad was right, Cohen wasn't going anywhere, and she needed him. So for the first time since leaving Seth's room she let her self cry, but more importantly, she didn't push him away when he tried to comfort her.

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AN: I'm not sure If I like the way this one turned out, but I hope you did. Whether you did or not, tell me! My goal is to get _at least _5 reviews for each chapter…I only got 3 for the last one, so if you read, reply, only if it is to say UD soon, just so I know people are reading it and that I should continue.


	3. Would You Lie With Me?

A/N: Sorry this one took a little longer to get out, but I hope you like it. Oh and I'm gonna try doing a recap at the beginning of every chapter with the last few lines of the previous chapter, because I know I read so many fan fics that I forget what happened and I have to go back, so I thought I would just save you the trouble.

Previously: Just seeing Seth standing there in her doorway, she knew her dad was right, Cohen wasn't going anywhere, and she needed him. So for the first time since leaving Seth's room she let her self cry, but more importantly, she didn't push him away when he tried to comfort her.

**Disclaimer: Still don't own anything.**

Chapter 3: Would You Lie With Me?

Seth could honestly say he had no clue what was going on in Summer's head, he was actually surprised she let him in so easily. He had been prepared for war, because he knew Summer was extremely stubborn and prone to rage blackouts, but that was one of the things he loved about her. He also loved her independence, but for her sake, he was hoping tonight would be different.

_We'll do it all _

_Everything _

_On our own _

_We don't need _

_Anything _

_Or anyone _

"Summer?" He figured if he didn't say anything they would be sitting in silence forever, so he took the first step, after all he was the talkative one.

"Ugh…you had to go and ruin it!"

"Ruin what?"

"Do you always have to talk? Can we just sit here in silence?" She asked annoyed.

_If I lay here _

_If I just lay here _

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

"Well…um…I'm not really the silent type. I talk, that's just what I do. Truthfully silence makes me uncomfortable." The little voice in his head was telling him to shut up, he knew Summer wouldn't react well to this, but his mouth and his brain didn't seem to want to work together.

"Oh? Well if I make you so uncomfortable why don't you just leave?"

"Come on Sum you know that's not what I meant."

"Seth, please just leave." She pleaded on the verge of tears again.

"No Summer, I'm going to stay and be here for you. I'm not gonna leave just because things get hard, not this time."

_I don't quite know _

_How to say _

_How I feel _

Silence. He thought maybe she had dropped the fight and was going to let him stay. He had seen Summer let her walls crumble and maybe this was on of those rare moments. That's when Seth thought she was most beautiful; when she was most vulnerable. She let him see inside her soul and know everything about her, what she was thinking, her emotions, how she felt, all out there on the line for him to see, there was nothing more beautiful to him. And every time those walls were knocked down, he would fall in love all over again.

"Go." She barely whispered.

No, it wasn't one of those moments.

"Su…" But he stopped himself. There was something in her voice, he didn't know what, but it told him not to push her. It wasn't an angry, if you don't stop talking I'll go rage blackout on your ass, it was just pure and complete sadness. So he did what he had never done before, he listened, I mean really listened to her and gave her what she wanted, time alone.

He leaned down and placed a soft and lingering kiss on her forehead. Just that simple kiss seemed to open a whole other set of emotions and she had to close her eyes tight to hold back her tears. It's like at a funeral. You are doing so well at holding your emotions in, until somebody comes up and hugs you, and that is the trigger that opens the gates and the tears just start to poor.

"Summer?" He asked as he was standing in her doorway.

Summer opened her eyes to look at him

"I'm not going anywhere okay? You know where to find me…I love you."

_Those three words _

_Are said too much _

_They're not enough _

She gave a weak smile before turning over and facing away from him. Then she heard the click of her door closing. She was alone, again. She hated being alone. She was alone so much people just assumed she was okay with it, or even liked it, but truthfully she needed people. She needed Marissa, she needed Cohen, but she didn't know how to break the cycle of pushing people away. She pushed her mom away when she was young, she pushed her father into work, and now she was pushing Seth away when she needed him the most.

She didn't know what happened, her talk with her father had gone so well and she thought she had convinced her self to let Seth in and help her through this. Then he was there and she could feel her independence and strong nature slipping away, so she freaked. It isn't just over night that you can get used to needing somebody, it is a long journey down a two way street and she keeps finding her self turning around and going back the way she came.

Now she lay alone in her room with a whole in her heart that she didn't know how to mend.

_If I lay here _

_If I just lay here _

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world? _

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Seth spent the whole drive home wondering if he did the right thing. Part of him felt he should have stayed with Summer and just held her as she cried, but the other part knew time alone might be what she needed to heal.

Now he was home and all he wanted to do was go get a glass of water and go to sleep, maybe when he woke up he would find that this was all just a horrible dream.

"Ryan?" Seth asked surprised, seeing Ryan sitting at the kitchen table in the dark.

Ryan turned his head slowly and watched as Seth walked over and sat down across from him.

"Hi." Was all he could say.

"What are you doing?"

"When I was at the hospital all I wanted to do was sleep, maybe it would all be a dream, but now I just can't."

"I know the feeling." Seth said thinking back to his exact thoughts from just a few moments ago.

"All I can think about is how she is…was…so young and had all her life to live for, and now…now she is nothing."

"Yea. Well maybe that means you have to live for the both of you. Marissa's life was taking at a much too young age," Seth saw Ryan flinch just at the mention of Marissa's name. "But your still here, and we both know how Marissa was, she would want all of us to live our lives for her, for us." Seth was more of a complainer than an advice giver, but given the situation he thought he could at least try.

_Forget what we're told _

_Before we get too old _

_Show me a garden that's bursting into life _

"You right, I am still here. Why? Why me and not her? I got out with barely a scratch and she is dead. Dead Seth! Not like the other times when she is in the hospital for a few days the she gets out and life goes back to normal. She isn't coming back this time! And you know what the worst part is? Now I will never get another chance. I know we were going to end up together, we were just playing stupid games and dating other people. I always thought there was going to be a later, we will get back together later, I will tell her how I feel later, but now later is gone!"

Seth was shocked, no matter how bad things got, Ryan either did nothing or punched somebody, he had never said straight out how he felt and how much pain he was in. Tonight was a complete role reversal, and maybe that is exactly what they needed.

_Let's waste time _

_Chasing cars _

_Around our heads _

_I need your grace _

_To remind me _

_To find my own _

Silence is the beginning of the beginning. You have to go through stages to mend a broken heart. Silence is just the first step. The stage when you are in shock and angry and are forced to talk, but all you want to do is hear nothing but the sounds of your own cries. There are no words to explain your inner pain and there are no words that are going fill your chest where you heart used to be. That is why it had been at least 15 minutes since either one of them had said anything. Seth had learned to keep his feelings of uncomfortableness to himself, considering it didn't turn out so well the last time, so he waited for Ryan to make the first move.

"I think I'm going to go lay down in the pool house." It wasn't what Seth was waiting for, but it would have to work.

_If I lay here _

_If I just lay here _

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world? _

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It had been an hour and a half and he was still wide awake replaying what had happened over and over in his head. He had been in shock up until now and totally forgot about _him_, he couldn't even say his name. _He_ was going to pay, Ryan would make sure of it. Everything Ryan thought he was going to live for was ripped away from him less than 12 hours ago and it was all _his_ fault. His anger and need for revenge got stronger as he started to think how his life could have been…with Marissa. Now none of it was going to happen, because the love of his life had come and gone and he was only 17.

_All that I am _

_All that I ever was _

_Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see _

_I don't know where _

_Confused about how as well _

_Just know that these things will never change for us at all _

Ryan looked out into the night at the full moon and cried for the first time. Marissa was up there now, and no matter how much it hurt him, he knew she was in a better place.

Seth looked out his window up at the full moon. Seth figured it was a good sign for the future, a future that seemed so far away. Then he cried, for his brother who lost the love of his life, and for his girlfriend who lost her best friend.

Summer looked out the window through her tear stained eyes and saw that the moon was full. A feeling of calmness rushed over her, for the first time that night she felt like she wasn't alone.

_If I lay here _

_If I just lay here _

_Would you lie with me and just forget the world? _

Ok so I really hoped you liked it. The song is Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, I'm sure you have heard it, but if you haven't go download it. It is an amazing song! I don't usually use lyrics but I was listening to this when I started to write and it fit the chapter perfectly so I went back and added them. I'm still not getting many reviews so if you want me to continue please please review!


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